<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Adventures of some stock characters by LeafoftheFox</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22693840">Adventures of some stock characters</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeafoftheFox/pseuds/LeafoftheFox'>LeafoftheFox</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cat antics, Comedy, Satire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 10:34:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,797</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22693840</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeafoftheFox/pseuds/LeafoftheFox</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever wondered at some of the most common book and film tropes? Had thoughts such as: How does that cat sit so still? Why would you go TOWARDS the creepy noise? and Is that even physically possible? This is my take on how some of these situations would really go.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Main Character kicked down the door, panting heavily. They had been put through many trials and tribulations to get this far and now, finally they would rescue Side Character from Evil Villain!</p><p><br/>
"Evil Villain," Main Character exclaimed, "You must return side character to me!"</p><p><br/>
A chilling laugh echoed through the stereotypical villain lair.</p><p><br/>
"I've been expecting you…" Evil Villain growled menacingly as they spun around in their black office chair, stroking a small black and white cat.</p><p><br/>
"For what?!"</p><p>"To come look at my new cutie pie! He's an adorable widdle kitty!" Evil Villain lifted up the kitten like Simba and shoved it in in character's face, "He's called Mr Schnookums!"</p><p><br/>
"Um…" main character paused, confused.</p><p>Evil Villain had a dopey grin on their face.</p><p><br/>
"Don't you just love him so much?"</p><p>"I… guess?" Main Character replied, off balance.</p><p><br/>
Evil Villain placed Mr Schnookums back on their lap and resumed stroking the baby cat.</p><p><br/>
"And now… You will jump in that pit of lava or side character will DIE."</p><p><br/>
"Nooooo! Help me!" Side Character exclaimed in a high-pitched voice, suddenly appearing, tied up, half-way across the room.</p><p><br/>
Main Character adopted a heroic pose and was probably about to yell something dramatic when Mr Schnookums tried to jump off Evil Villain's lap.</p><p><br/>
"Ah!" Evil Villain squeaked, trying to prevent the excitable kittens' escape.</p><p><br/>
Main Character looked perplexed at the interruption.</p><p><br/>
"Oh, he always does this," the caped villain grumbled as they chased the ball of fluff across the room.</p><p><br/>
"No! Not the lava!" Evil Villain exclaimed in fright as the kitten raced towards the pit of bubbling molten rock.</p><p><br/>
Evil Villain loped after their new pet stumbling as they tried not to trip on the cape dragging behind them. At the sight of a veritable giant racing towards him Mr Schnookums' fur puffed up an he let out a startled yowl, bolting away.</p><p><br/>
"Ah! Get out of there!" Evil Villain yelled in panic as the small mammal slipped behind the classic evil villain super villain super computer located in another shadowed area of the lair.</p><p><br/>
"Um… so should I come back later or?" Main Character asked awkwardly, looking between the door and Evil Villain.</p><p><br/>
"No no, stay," Evil Villain replied seeming harassed "This'll just be a minute. Come out Mr Schnookums," Evil Villain attempted to coax the kitten out, only for him to stubbornly back further into the mess of wires.</p><p><br/>
Once he was certain Evil Villain would not be able to reach him here Mr Schnookums began to investigate this new place ignoring his owner's cries of worry and promises of treats later. The green-eyed feline sniffed a wire before biting clean through it in one easy snap.</p><p><br/>
"What are you doing?" Evil Villain fretted.</p><p>"I should really be going now," Main Character pressed "you know how it is, worlds to go to, people to save, world saving to celebrate. I'm on a schedule here."</p><p><br/>
"Stay right there," Evil Villain snapped before turning back to their kitten and trying to persuade him away from his new game of pounce on the flashing and bite through all the wires.</p><p><br/>
"Maybe you could get a toy to lure him out with," Side Character suggested kindly growing a little bored with the lack of action. To be honest Side Character just wanted to be untied so they could regain circulation.</p><p><br/>
"Ah yes. Good idea, thank y-," Evil Villain was cut off by the lights powering down.</p><p><br/>
"<em>Mr Schnookums,</em>" Evil Villain whined in consternation.</p><p>Mr Schookums meowed cutely and settled down to chew on more wires.</p><p><br/>
Evil Villain pinched the bridge of their nose and sighed looking to main character, but being off by a few degrees due to the pitch darkness.</p><p><br/>
"You know what? Fine. Take your friend and go. I'll try again next week," Evil Villain huffed, trailing of into mumbled complaints about how they'd have to fix all this damage before they enact their evil plot anyway.</p><p><br/>
"Oh, uh really?" Main Character asked blinking in surprise.</p><p><br/>
Evil Villain waved their hand in acknowledgment despite the fact that they couldn't be seen "Sure, go ahead. You were probably going to defeat me anyway."</p><p><br/>
"If you say so," Main Character shrugged and stumbled a few steps in the wrong direction in the darkness before taking out their 'conveniently gifted to them earlier in the story and kept just in case night vision goggles' and putting them on. Main Character strolled confidently to Side Character, untied them and left through the back door.</p><p><br/>
A party celebrating Main Character's actions soon ensued funded by that magic bank account most story character seems to keep to fund hero celebration parties. Or, I don't know, maybe it's their kids' college fund or something?</p><p><br/>
Basically everyone is happy and praising Main Character for their heroic rescue and some of them are probably proposing too because there are always some creepy infatuated fanboys or girls.</p><p><br/>
Side Character just rubbed their wrists, relieved to be able to feel their fingers again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Satire White</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?”</p>
<p><br/>“You are, my queen,” The Mirror replied smoothly, deciding to define ‘them all’ as women over forty. The Queen was looking very good for her ages, but it knew that she would throw a hissy fit if she found out about the numerous teenagers who were ‘fairer’ than her. Those teens, always hiding indoors, of course they have pale skin.</p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>“Huntsman, I order you to- Hold on. I’m a queen. Guards! Call the captain of the army! I want a ten-man squad to go after the girl Snow White and bring me back her heart as proof!”</p>
<p><br/>*later*</p>
<p>The Queen cackled as a ten-man squad decked in chainmail and armour easily hunted down the young girl running over open ground towards the forest.</p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>Snow White dashed past thorn bushes and under looming branches, barely avoiding tripping on the creeping roots hidden under a layer of dead leaves. She came to a halt with a screech when a dilapidated wooden cottage came looming out of nowhere.</p>
<p>“Oh no, oh no,” She whimpered fearfully, stumbling back a few steps. She paused for a moment to consider the possible shelter this place could offer her. She was ever so tired after all and her dress was simply ruined, torn by grabbing branches and the hem caked in mud.</p>
<p>The creaking groan of strained wood startled her out of her considerations.</p>
<p>“Nope, nope, nope,” She decided, bolting in another direction. It was probably for the best; that place had looked ready to collapse and who knew what strange hermit lived there. It could be an axe murderer hiding out in the woods for all she knew. There was also the fact that it hadn’t even taken her a day to reach on foot. Surely The Queen’s men would find her easily if she stayed somewhere so easy to reach.</p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>Snow White dashed past thorn bushes and under looming branches, barely avoiding tripping on the creeping roots hidden under a layer of dead leaves. She came to a halt with a screech when a dilapidated wooden cottage came looming out of nowhere.</p>
<p> She took a step back out of fright, tripping on the hem of her long dress in her inattentiveness. She crashed to the forest floor, fallen twigs sending scratches up her arms when she threw them out to catch herself. She sat for a few seconds in shock before her situation truly hit her.</p>
<p>“Oh dear,” she gasped out, tears bursting from her eyes. She staggered back to her feet, hiccupping breaths escaping her. Sure, the cottage looked pretty scary and honestly one inspection away from condemnation, but staying there for one night would be fine wouldn’t it? Just to rest for a while, the owner would probably be understanding and allow this young, vulnerable, wanted teen girl to stay.</p>
<p>She came to a stop at the sturdy wooden door and reached for the metal doorknob.</p>
<p>Clunk, clunk.</p>
<p>The door rattled as she moved it back and forth. She frowned in confusion and shook the handle a little. It didn’t budge; the door was locked.</p>
<p>She hung her head in despair, her dark hair falling like a veil in front of her face. Right. She better keep moving then.  She took a tight grip of her skirts and jogged further into the forest praying for some kind of good fortune.</p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>Snow White peered nervously into the dim entryway. Tiny slivers of sunlight shone in throw the gaps between branches and the made the way into the building between uneven slats of wood and illuminated the area in an eerie glow.</p>
<p>A handful of candles dotted the home, placed carefully in order to light as much surface as possible without waste. Snow set about lighting the candles and bringing a healthier, more homely glow to the cottage. The place was grimy and ill cared for enough that she couldn’t tell whether anyone actively lived there or not.</p>
<p>Staying, even for one night, in a place so unhygienic sent her skin crawling. If someone did live here she was sure that they would be far more understanding and appreciative of her entering if she tidied up a little for them.</p>
<p>First, she uncovered a lonely broom, hiding in a corner and set about sweeping years’ worth of much into one pile.</p>
<p>She began to hum as she worked, making the gruelling task just a little more pleasant. Only minutes into her self-assigned task, Snow flung open the windows. Having a little more air circulating would be good for the musty air and a little more light made keeping track of where she had already swept far easier.</p>
<p>A scuttling sound in the corner made her spin around and clutch the broom to her chest nervously, but there was nothing there. She hesitantly returned to her cleaning.</p>
<p>Just as she was getting back into whistling, sweeping and humming a rustle echoed from the window, causing her to stop. Nope. Don’t think about it.</p>
<p>She returns to the work, determinedly ignoring any and all ominous sounds. She had committed to cleaning this place and by gosh was she going to do I-!</p>
<p>A trio of birds fly in through the window, throwing feathers across the room and sending Snow rushing backwards with a gasp.</p>
<p>Before she could even begin to deal with the intrusion, rats and mice began to pour into the room.</p>
<p>“Dear god!” she screeched a high-pitched wail, backing into the table in the centre of the room.</p>
<p>This, of course, was when a full-grown buck leapt through the window. Snow screamed in horror and scrambled onto the table, using her broom as a weapon to ward off the creature.</p>
<p>This did nothing to stop the continuous onslaught of mice, rabbits, birds, squirrels, chipmunks and more.</p>
<p>Snow White had that feeling that this was going to be a very, very long day.</p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>Snow White peered nervously into the dim entryway. Tiny slivers of sunlight shone in throw the gaps between branches and the made the way into the building between uneven slats of wood and illuminated the area in an eerie glow.</p>
<p>A handful of candles dotted the home, placed carefully in order to light as much surface as possible without waste. Snow set about lighting the candles and bringing a healthier, more homely glow to the cottage. The place was grimy and ill cared for enough that she couldn’t tell whether anyone actively lived there or not.</p>
<p>Staying, even for one night, in a place so unhygienic sent her skin crawling. If someone did live here, she was sure that they would be far more understanding and appreciative of her entering if she tidied up a little for them.</p>
<p>First, she uncovered a lonely broom, hiding in a corner and set about sweeping years’ worth of much into one pile.</p>
<p>She began to hum as she worked, making the gruelling task just a little more pleasant. Only minutes into her self-assigned task, Snow flung open the windows. Having a little more air circulating would be good for the musty air and a little more light made keeping track of where she had already swept far easier.</p>
<p>She was shocked out of her sweeping when a flurry of birds exploded in through the window, rocking the precarious pile of plates in the sink.</p>
<p>“Oh my!” she exclaimed with a skittish step back. </p>
<p>As soon as the birds had settled, perched on the back of chairs, they whistled at her.</p>
<p>Snow hesitated in confusion, but eventually whistled back. The birds continued to mimic her, and she soon got into the swing of whistling and humming out a tune with them. Even the arrival of more woodland creatures, chipmunks, squirrels, more bird and more, didn’t faze her as the quickly joined the routine. The chirped, whistled, cleaned and eventually cleaned the entire kitchen together.</p>
<p>By the end of the song, even a young buck had joined the group.</p>
<p>“Now, doesn’t that look nice?” Snow smiled proudly at her new friends.</p>
<p>The animals all nodded in answer.</p>
<p>This desperate obedience gave Snow an idea.</p>
<p>“Would you all mind helping me out with another problem of mine?” she asked politely.</p>
<p>The animals immediately shook their heads in reassurance and one bird hopped forwards to give her a questioning chirp and head tilt.</p>
<p>“Well, you see…”</p>
<p>It didn’t take long to persuade this devoted army of animals to help Snow return home and defeat the Evil Queen.</p>
<p>She hiked up her skirts and determinedly lead the march through the forest.</p>
<p>“For freedom!” She cried, one arm raised triumphantly.</p>
<p>The animals picked up her cry in a cacophony of chirps, whistle, tweets and screeches.</p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>Snow was just resting in the cottage waiting for her new friends to return when a sound echoed through the place:</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>Upon hearing this sound, she did the only rational thing: Dive behind the nearest cupboard and curl up to hide so no one would see her through the window.</p>
<p>She is on the run after all, it would be stupid to answer the door to some random stranger.</p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>Snow was just resting in the cottage waiting for her new friends to return when a sound echoed through the place:</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>She froze like a deer in the headlights.</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>The sound repeated.</p>
<p>Snow crept through the house on tiptoes, wincing at every minor creak of the floorboards.</p>
<p>When she finally reached the door, she carefully levered the door open causing a long loud screech to sound out. As soon as the door was fully open, she slammed it shut again.</p>
<p>“Nope, nope, nope!” she cried as she raced to the back of the house, no longer trying to be as quiet as a mouse.</p>
<p>Anyone would do so when met with a creepily smiling old hag stranger knocking on your door when you’re on the run from the law.</p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>Snow was just resting in the cottage waiting for her new friends to return when a sound echoed through the place:</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>She froze like a deer in the headlights.</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>The sound repeated.</p>
<p>She squared her shoulders and marched to the door.</p>
<p>She took a deep preparatory breath.</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>Knock.</p>
<p>Kno-.</p>
<p>She flung the door open!</p>
<p>She was greeted by a black cloaked, hunch backed old lady.</p>
<p>“Um. Hello,” Snow spoke tentatively.</p>
<p>“Hello there dear,” the woman croaked, eyeing Snow intently.</p>
<p>“May I come in?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m very sorry, but I’m simply a guest,” Snow shook her head with an apologetic smile. She wasn’t about to let a stranger inside with her in such a vulnerable position.</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s alright dear,” The woman reassured, her eyes twitching with annoyance “I just came to give you these apples I have as a welcome to the neighbourhood.” The woman lifted the basket she had to show of the piled high apples.</p>
<p>Neighbourhood? What neighbourhood. This is a random cottage in the middle the forest. She eyed the luridly bright red apples.</p>
<p> “Oh, I would love to, but I’m afraid I just ate lunch. I’m sure I’ll enjoy them very much later. Now, you better be off before it gets dark!”<br/>Snow started herding the woman away from the door.</p>
<p>“Oh, um, let me know if you like them!” The woman called as she was hurried away.</p>
<p>“I’m sure I will. Mmm, looks delicious,” She smiled fakely and slammed the door shut.</p>
<p>Snow sighed tiredly and brought the apples through to set on the table. She would wait a while to be sure that the woman was gone and then she could dispose of the apples outside, wouldn’t want any of those poor dwarves taking a bite of the obviously unnatural fruits.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow another chapter! This is a rewrite of an old idea of mine. I had to stop because it was getting a bit long and I wanted to post. Let me know if you enjoyed it :)<br/>~Leaf</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a repost from fictionpress, hope you enjoyed it :)<br/>~Leaf</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>